Thoroughly Modern Mammy Maria discusses the dread, and itchiness, felt when getting the dreaded "check your child's hair" note from school.

Lice.

Dirty rotten little buggers.


How many of you are scratching your head already?

Even thinking about them has me ripping the skin off my scalp.  We got the “Check your child’s hair” text AGAIN on Friday.  It causes the same reaction in me EVERY time it comes. My first experience of this dilemma happened only two days…yes… TWO DAYS after Mini-Me started school, I received a phonecall from another S-Mum to let me know she’d already found the nasty little tortures in her Minion’s hair.

She’d already treated the whole house and was just letting me know as our two little Darlings love to hug, they do.
(Scratches…)
My reactions included:
1. Serious testing of my “It’s soooo OK, I’ve got my sh*t together” face.

2. Immediate scratching of my own head.

3. Instant scrutiny of Mini-Me’s head. (Thankfully, no nits!)

4. More scratching.

5. Instant gratitude to my lovely hairdresser for making me buy lice prevention spray and warning me to NEVER let her out the door in the morning without a spray. (Thanks Ciara.)

6. A bit more scratching.

7. Checking her head again JUST to make sure.

8. Calling my own Mammy to ask if I would see them or if they’re invisible to the naked eye, in which case my friend who owns a telescope was going to be getting a visit!

And apart from Number 8, I have done the EXACT same thing every time the text or note has come from school this year.
I’ve NEVER experienced head lice.

I have fond memories of the metal comb on a Sunday night after bathtime each time “The letter” came home in one of the schoolbags to announce the arrival of lice to the classroom.

Thankfully, we never actually got them so I can honestly say that the phonecall that night,

FREAKED

ME

OUT.
I went straight to the chemist and actually BOUGHT the treatment, just to have in the house, because whatever day I spot the little feckers in her hair, I don’t want to have to go through the trauma of leaving the house to kill them. I shall be Super-exterminator-Mum and I shall DESTROY them withing 3 minutes.
In the local chemist, I quietly asked for “Calpol, teetha…Oh! And whatever you use to treat lice please.”

(Scratches.)
“How many heads are infested?” nice lady asks. (Scratches head ever so subtly.)
“Oh noooooo!” High-pitched immediately panicked voice.
She can’t POSSIBLY think we have nits.  I can’t have people thinking that!

 

Dammit, I should have gone to a huge chemist where no one knows me and no one cares what you’re buying.
“It’s just to have it in the house in case. They’re in the classroom apparently and I just want to have it in.”

I then heard myself rambling on about my hairdresser warning me to use the spray yadda yadda and how THANK GOD I had listened etc…you know, as if to PROVE that I wasn’t lying and to justify buying something so terribly uncouth as lice treatment.
“I used to do that too love!” Said one of the other chemist ladies.

Well thank the Lord and his Donkey for that.
Because I’m OBVIOUSLY not the first Crazy Mum to buy Lice treatment BEFORE there are even lice!
And I will OF COURSE need it at some stage, and I shall be the S-Mum sending the text or making the call.
And I am grateful to the Mummy in question for giving me the heads up…boom…

(It probably didn’t cost her a thought as she is a fablisly experienced and not-crazy-first-time-mummy-of-a-school-goer and knows how much of a silly NOT-big-deal lice are and she’ll probably roll her eyes when she reads this!)
It’s just another first for this scratchy Mummy.

And at least now, I am READY for the little blighters.

But I still won’t say “Bring them on”, because I’m already scratched out at the THOUGHT of them!
Go on, admit it.

Comment below if you’ve scratched your head even ONCE while reading this.
(Scratches.)
Happy Sunday night Scratching!