Counsellor Sarah Barr shares ways to decrease the pressure Donegal mammies put on themselves to be perfect.

Today mums feel enormous pressure to be the ‘perfect mum’. It can feel at times like a competitive sport. This coupled with social media and the pressure intensifies, as social media provides a platform for us to compare ourselves with others.

Some traits we may believe make the ‘perfect mum’ can include being super organised, having a spotless house, being fit and healthy and cooking meals from scratch.

When we don’t feel we are living up to the unrealistic standards we put on ourselves, we can feel like failures and guilt kicks in. Triggering of feelings of anxiety and low self worth.

The ‘perfect mum’ is a myth.

A woman’s priorities change when she becomes a mum.

Once we become mums we start to judge ourselves by the targets we have missed. For example, if your child does not talk/walk as quickly as other children. We see that as our failure.

Then we have the ‘mammy guilt’.

No matter what we do or don’t do, it is there.

If you’re a working mum, the guilt of going to work is there. If you are a stay-at-home mum it can at times feel isolating.

Isolation is something that many of us mums experience. By joining groups and talking it can really help defeat the feeling of isolation.

All we can do is our best.

All we can be is ‘Good Enough’.

We will mess up from time to time, we are human.

You don’t have to be a perfect mum, you just have to be a mum.

“Some of this fear is about the pressure to be a perfect parent; pretending we’re all coping perfectly and loving every minute of it. It’s right to talk about motherhood as a wonderful thing, but we also need to talk about it’s stresses and strains.”- The Dutchess of Cambridge.

If your confidence is low and you find yourself comparing yourself to others, social media might not help.
It can act as a trigger to feeling low and anxious.
It is important to remember the posts and pictures you see on social media are not always real. They do not tell you the true story. You do not know what happened before or after the picture. We do not know what anyone else is thinking and dealing with each day.

Comparison ONLY serves to make you feel worse about yourself.

What you can do to help decrease Mammy Pressure:

1. Positive People

The people we surround ourselves with, have a huge impact on how we see ourselves, our views on who we are and on our confidence.

2. Join a group

By joining a group or starting an activity in your local community can give you the opportunity to find like-minded people.

3. Sign off Social Media

If you find social media is having a negative effect on how you feel about yourself, you can sign off.

We can become consumed by how many ‘likes’ we get, comparing ourselves to others and hiding behind a ‘profile’ showing everyone how happy we are.

4. Daily Affirmation

Remind yourself daily that ‘You are good enough’ and ‘You are doing the best you can’.

5. Accept

There are times in our lives when it is difficult to cope, to carry on. It is okay to feel like this. There is people and services available to help and support. Taking the first step can be the hardest, but it is can also be the best step you have ever taken.

If you are finding it difficult to cope or under pressure, there is no harm in saying this. YOU are not the only mum.
New Beginnings is offering a ‘Minding Mammy’ workshop for mums throughout Donegal and Derry in the upcoming months.
The workshop focuses on mental well-being and offers the opportunity to meet other mums.
For more information I can contacted via my Facebook page www.facebook.com/NewBeginningsCounsellingService

Take Care ~ Sarah.