Thoroughly Modern Mammy – The Logic of a Child

By Maria Rushe • 7 years ago

Feb
2018

The S-Mum's eldest daughter has an interesting explanation for why she takes her time eating her breakfast on school mornings.

The logic of a child eh?

I wish I had it sometimes. My almost 6-year-old has it sussed. If I have it, it’s mine. If Daddy won’t buy it, I’ll ask Santa. If Mammy says no, ask Granny. Good is good. Fun is good. Sad is bad. Chicken is evil. Imaginary friends are perfectly real. But most impressive, is her ability to assume that everything is someone ELSE’s fault, that things are Mammy’s problem, not hers.

Nothing has displayed this absolute ability to pass the blame for her actions on to someone else, so beautifully, as one conversation last week.

I’ve mentioned before how the soothing tones of our lovely Donal Kavanagh starting the 8am news on Highland Radio is the “Into the car Darlings!” moment in our house.

(In truth it’s usually the END of the news when he says “Next Bulletin at 8:30. Good morning” that inspires “INTO THE CAAAAAAAAAR! WE’RE FECKIN LATE AGAIN!” song, but I could never tell you such truths as a Mammy Blogger, could I?!)

Over the past few weeks, the mornings have been suffocated by Mini-Me’s breakfast. It takes 45 minutes to eat 2 bites. Or it takes 45 minutes to eat NO bites.

There are tears and tantrums… me, not her. She doesn’t give a crap. I suppose there’s that child’s logic again…if I’m hungry I’ll eat. If Mammy is reacting, I’m in charge…

I of course, was consumed by the mammy guilt of sending her to school without a healthy breakfast in her belly.

So, I asked the lovely lady who looks after her after school to have a wee word with her about something… you know the way our children listen to EVERY word that generally EVERYONE ELSE in the world says to them? How what Teacher says is gospel and Mammy and Daddy are but minions of the “legion of the Sad Silly Omni-wrong Parent-type” who know diddlysquat about ANYTHING in life until they are 25 and suddenly realise that we were right all along?

Yeah, so I asked her to mention how important breakfast is in the morning. I explained that I can’t get her to eat much and it’s causing great stress in the mornings.

I believe the conversation went like this:

“You know that it’s very important to eat breakfast in the morning to help you get big and strong?”

“Yeah”

“And it’s very helpful to Mammy when you eat your breakfast once you get it so you can all get out the door?”

“Yup”

“So will you make sure to eat your breakfast tomorrow so poor Mammy isn’t panicking to get you all into the car?”

“Yeah. But… See how we are sometimes late getting into the car?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not because I’m slow at eating my breakfast.”

“Oh no?”

“It’s that Donal Kavanagh’s fault. He just reads the news too early some mornings”.

I’m not sure the Lovely Lady answered that. I don’t think there IS an answer for that, is there?