Have you seen my confidence?

By Sarah Barr • 6 years ago

Apr
2019

Counsellor Sarah Barr examines how can you lose your confidence, but more importantly how can you get it back.

Confidence is something that (mostly) everyone will struggle with, at least once in their lives. Whether it is your confidence in work, in college, as a mum, as a friend or your own self-confidence.

Our confidence can take a whack when we aren’t feeling great when we are going through a major life change or we are stepping outside our comfort zone and trying something new.

But there is hope.

Our confidence can come back.
We can step outside our comfort zone, say ‘yes’ to new adventures and push through the uncomfortably of a situation.
Repeating daily affirmations (see my article on creating daily affirmations here) meeting new friends, increasing your self awareness through journaling and prioritising your self-care (see article on self care) are all confidence finding and building techniques.

During your journey of finding your confidence, be careful not to compare yourself to social media friends, influencers or celebrities.
Sometimes a filter, a keypad and an audience can help create false confidence. As they show you, the follower, a controlled and altered snippet of their life. Basically what they want you to see, which is not always their reality. (See article on comparison)
They too could also be struggling in finding their confidence. Yet through the use of props, like social media, they can portray a confidence that may or may not be there.

So, if you have tried all the above and still can’t find your confidence.
It may be time to start challenging your own limiting belief system.

Belief System
Our belief system is made up of memories, experiences, what we have been told and we have learnt.
But it is our limiting beliefs that impact mostly on our confidence.

How we can tackle our limiting beliefs?

When our minds don’t have the correct amount of information needed to understand or sort something out.
It will seek it.
It wants to fill in the gaps.

But, this isn’t always straightforward.

Our brain can panic.
Seeking information, any information. Sometimes using irrational beliefs we have about ourselves or others. Or sometimes new beliefs are formed, just to protect our ego and self-worth.

For example;
When a person fails to get what they want in life their mind can create a limiting belief such as “I am not lucky, that is why nothing good happens”. Or “they don’t like me, because they are snobby”.

These beliefs protect your ego, but in doing so can lead you to believe untrue things about yourself. This damages your confidence.
You might not try new things or apply for a new job, because you believe you are not lucky.
You don’t say “hi” and start new friendships because you believe they are snobby.